There are days that my whole mind, body, and heart feel weary from doing this. There are times when security and comfort sound like incredible alternatives to vagabonding. I miss my friends in just about every place I’ve been. I miss my routine in the early mornings. I’m road-weary and older by a few years than I thought I’d be when I would have quit if I hadn’t made it. .
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But a part of my soul is growing, that stagnates when I’m still. And the road-weariness eventually gives way to song fuel. I made a lot of silly decisions about my age when I was too young to understand the years and what really matters. There is a beat inside me that won’t stop pounding in my ears.
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I love the way a song feels when it starts to write itself. I love the way my pain and darkness and selfishness fall away when I get in front of an audience. My performer’s ego is ironically only tamed during performance. I am free for a song, then free for an evening. It’s not just addiction or insanity, it’s love.
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I think I’m finally starting to understand that the desire for security and comfort can’t be satisfied by saying yes to those things. It can only be satisfied by listening to the music, by searching honestly for the truth of a thing, and putting it into song. .
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I’m not a very spiritual person, but I know that I have answers in a deeper, more conscious part of myself, that are more accurate than anything I can arrive at by thinking. I know my own heart. I just have to let it through. Whenever I listen – and it’s damn hard to do so – I always find the way… security and comfort included. Only by trying to engineer a safer way forward, do I end up lost and disconnected. .
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Days like today are good days to remember that. It’s time to listen to what I know and make music for the next adventure. Love to you all. Thanks for being here.